Nikon Coolpix P900
Basic Description
Although not as powerful as the Great Gay Hat of Darkness, the Nikon P900, also known as the "Truth Detector 9000", is definitely far more holy and is clearly the most cherished artifact in the observable Universe. It was made by the Nikon corporation in association with God himself to create the most red-pill camera anyone on the flat Earth has ever seen before. It is bestowed with the ability to detect freemason lizard-people's diabolical schemes from miles away and, due to it's stockpile of vinegar housed in a small extra-dimensional portal next to the image sensor, is totally immune to the negative effects of chemtrails on human skin tissue.
Supernatural Abilities
It can zoom in. A lot.
(to be continued...)
P900 Worship Roster
Sunday- Why are you not praying to God you unworthy heathen?! It's the Lord's day! Make room for Jesus!
Monday- 7:00 UCT- 8:00 UTC
Tuesday- (Day of Rest; or Lord and Savior: Jeranism wills it to be so.)
Wednesday- 12:00 PST- 9:00 EST
Thursday- 15:25 UTC- 25:15 UCT
Friday- Five separate (but equal) 15 minute periods of the owners choice towards the nearest horizon-line.
Saturday- 0:01 UTC- 23:59 UST
List of Known Owners
Wolfie 6020
Soundly
Dazzathecameraman
Anthony Riley
(to be continued...)
