The Great Gay Hat of Darkness
Origin
The hat was forged inside the supermassive black hole at the center of the NGC 1277 galaxy approximately 250 million light years from Earth after a neutron star as dense as TrueEmpiricism fell into it. The resulting artifact from this collision was a small, round, hat-like object 20 centimeters across. Inside this astronomical orgy, the hat was so incredibly unstable that it was immediately flung out of the clusterfuck in the direction of the Milky Way galaxy at a velocity similar to how fast G Man spouts bullshit on his YouTube channel.
Many years later, the "hat" entered the Sol star system in the Milky Way and was on a direct collision course for the third planet orbiting the star known as Earth. It entered the atmosphere of the ocean-forest world on the 15th of February 2013 flying over many different russian villages before slamming into the snow-covered ground near Lake Chebarkul. According to eyewitnesses, this object was a bright ball coming in quickly before shining incredibly brightly and then fading away into the horizon. Scientists assumed this was due to the "asteroid" exploding in the sky but it was actually due to the Hat giving off a single pulse of extra-galactic energy before coming in for landing completely unharmed.
Supernatural Abilities
Can protect its wearer from the horrors of Georgia.
Current Location
Pop'n a squat on Pew Review's lithic head.
Destiny
To destroy the Sith and bring balance to the Force... or something like that.
