The Great Gay Hat of Darkness

Origin

The hat was forged inside the supermassive black hole at the center of the NGC 1277 galaxy approximately 250 million light years from Earth after a neutron star as dense as TrueEmpiricism fell into it. The resulting artifact from this collision was a small, round, hat-like object 20 centimeters across. Inside this astronomical orgy, the hat was so incredibly unstable that it was immediately flung out of the clusterfuck in the direction of the Milky Way galaxy at a velocity similar to how fast G Man spouts bullshit on his YouTube channel.

As fate would have it, the "hat" was on a direct collision course with Earth, which, upon impact, devastated the Earth's surface, knocking the Earth out of its position at the center of the Universe and killing all the dinosaurs which had just disembarked from Noah's ark.

Supernatural Abilities

Can protect its wearer from the horrors of Georgia.

Current Location

Pop'n a squat on Pew Review's lithic head.

Destiny

To destroy the Sith and bring balance to the Force... or something like that.