Betty Van Velsen

Basic Description

<infobox>

 <title source="title1">
   <default>Betty Van Velsen</default>
 </title>
 <image source="image1">

</image> <group> <header>Information</header> <label>Gender</label> <label>Scientific Name</label> <label>Positions</label> <label>Debating Against</label> <label>Skills</label> <label>Links</label> </group> </infobox> Whenever she speaks, everyone on the entire (slightly-irregular oblate spheroid) planet immediately has their IQ points dropped by a whopping 40pts. Betty is a uneducated bitch who constantly asks for things to be proven with the scientific method even when the scientific method is not even remotely applicable, the irony of this being is that she can´t even use the scientific method to demonstrate that the Earth is flat because you can't use the scientific method for a What or an Is like the flat Earth or a "spinning ball". She makes flawed observations or rigs the controls of an experiment... that is, if she ever would get off her ass and do an experiment in the sodding first place.

Betty Vs Reds Rhetoric

On June the 2nd 2017, Betty faced off against Reds Rhetoric in a debate on what best describes observations: a globe Earth model or a flat Earth model. Betty however, is sternly against models of any kind, claiming that models are not scientific, and that they are not ever used when doing "real" science, and therefore failed to provide any type of flat Earth model that describes or could predict our observations of the sky. Her only attempt at even remotely providing a model was to claim that, on a flat Earth we should be able to see the Southern Cross when we face south in Australia, South America, and South Africa all at the same time due to perspective (a word that she used frivolously during the debate, but refused to define, describe, or quantify).

She claimed that, on a flat Earth, that you could see the Southern Cross when looking to the South in the Southern Hemisphere (no shit). Since this is what we actually see, this means to Betty that we must be living on a a flat Earth, a "model" she considers to be the "default" position in regard to the shape of the Earth.

During the 3 hour long debate, the global mortality rate for all demographics increased by approximately 10.48% due to extreme facepalm impaction by, for example, exclaiming "[in that drawing per the globe model] the sun is light-years away". This has led to Reds Rhetoric announcing to all that he would be releasing a new range of face pancaking resistant oven mitts.

She also asserted that the Earth produced it's own light.

She also believes that the Big Bang, Evolution, the CMB, Redshift, and Gravity are "just so stories".

Betty Vs GeoStreber

Betty, to the surprise of literally no one, was no less of an idiot in the waning months of 2018. For over two hours on the sixth of April, Betty had a long conversation with GeoStreber about the nature of scientific models, evidence, and the apparently incomprehensible concept of an "independent variable." Betty allegedly, earlier to the conversation, had received coaching from Quantum Eraser on how exactly to be as annoying and semantic as metaphysically possible while still speaking English (technically) and without being struck down by divine intervention in an act of heavenly mercy. These claims, while as-of-yet unsubstantiated, are almost certainly true.

Things did not go well. At all. Even a little bit. Not even slightly. I, as a person who values your health and wellbeing, cannot recommend watching it without adequate mental and physical protection. This includes, but is certainly not limited to:

• Six or seven deep breaths
• Putting away that suicide knife. Yes, all of them.
• A small nuclear bunker
• 33 pairs of extra-strength oven-mitts
• German Absinth, Russian Vodka, Scottish Scotch, American Bud Light and 666 grams of Catholic Holy Water
• A Faraday Cage
• Subscription to "Masochists' Monthly Magazine"
• A large Butcher's Knife
• An extra-large condom
• Another extra-large condom (for the other head)
• An overdose on Aspirin tablets
• A waterproof receptacle
• Obamacare
• The Bible (KJV Recommended)
• < 3 layers of straitjackets
• A Phone with a suicide hotline on speed-dial
• A healthy dose of scientifically-minded content beforehand
• Bubble wrap, packing peanuts, and lots of pillows to cushion yourself and the objects and people around you
• A Kitten
• A Football (so you don't kick the Kitten)

Once this ultimate level of protection has been achieved, you MIGHT be safe while watching this hangout. Maybe.

[Details of conversation pending]